Stacy’s Mom Has Got It Goin On

Hey its Mother’s Day weekend and I’m a mom!

Last year was kind of weird. We had AJ’s referral. So, I did, in fact, have a son. But I hardly qualified as a mom. And if I did, it was most certainly the easiest part of the gig. Torturous to have your son half a world away, but, uh, easy.
I can say now, I had NO IDEA what I was getting into. This mom biz? Its crazy. How can something so small be so life altering? And exhausting. And yet also the best thing ever. Its a bit of a paradox. I was certainly under prepared for the magnitude of motherhood. I mean, I’ve always liked kids and people often commented about how naturally motherly I was (which really just meant I was caring and responsible) so I kinda figured motherhood would be simple and easy and a natural progression of who I was. But it is not. It is probably almost the opposite of that. There are pieces that seem natural, but they are the things that have always come easy for me: love, care, hugs & kisses. There are also parts that I thought were strengths: patience, a bit of selflessness, time management skills, cleanliness; that have been majorly tested. Most days, I feel like I fail in one or all those areas. I certainly try, but I fail. More than ever before. Maybe even more this year than in my life combined.
Which makes the reward of motherhood all the more necessary. I’m amazed that I can sit, so tyerd and aching and wishing that I could just close my eyes forever so they would stop burning. And then he smiles. And My God, how can he do that to my heart?! How can my heart physically DO something caused by a tiny child’s smile? I want to kiss him all over because he’s just so good and right and perfect.
Aaaand then he dribbles milk out of his mouth and onto the floor and I am forced to disipline him and reminded that with those wonderful heart feelings comes an equal amount of suckage. You know, just in case there was a moment when I had forgotten.

To all the amazing moms I know… I apologize for anytime prior to my induction that I even thought your life was easy, not that big of a deal, or just like mine. I was wrong. I am inspired by each of you (especially on days when you look so put together!).

Let me be clear. I wouldnt change it for the world. Sure, I miss sleep, watching TV, and having, like, nothing to do… but it is well worth the trade. Almost a year in, and I’m finally feeling like I’ve found myself again. Motherhood took over for a bit, but the invasion has settled, I’ve accepted the role, and bit by bit, I’m able to add in the things about me that are most important (like, hair and makeup, surprisingly so). Priorities have certainly shifted, but, in the end, they should be for the better. And hopefully *I* will be better.

(Oh, and I baked TWO cakes this week! Now THATS Sabrina).