Catch My Troubled Head
I feel like I should be over it. By this time, I should have accepted the fact that God has a plan and it included pushing things back indefinitely. I should be a-okay with not having a timeline. I should only be seeing the bright side of things.
And most of all, I shouldnt be whining. I mean, I got myself into this. I willingly decided on the upredictableness of adoption over the pain of pregnancy. I made my bed…
But I’m still bummed. Everyday I’m reminded of what I dont have, and wont have for much longer than I’d prefer.
I realize, in comparison, its not that bad. It wasnt a miscarriage. It wasnt getting a referral and then having the birth mother change her mind.
But I did have plans and dreams. And now I’m afraid to do any of that cause I dont want to get my hopes up again. It just sucks, is all.