And I Wait For You
My friend Christine is amazingly good at understanding what God is trying to teach her in midst of a trial. Whether it be cutting their income in half, trying to get pregnant, leading a ministry, waiting for test results… she can always say “God was trying to teach me this, and I’m so thankful.”
I can not. I’m amazed by her ability to do it. I’m slightly jealous. I shake my head and think, wow, how can she do that?
Cause I look back on The Wait for The Call. And it was still hell. I didn’t come out of it having learned anything. I don’t feel better for having waited. If anything, I’m less patient and more worn out than before. Perhaps I did it wrong. I mean, I did spend the whole time without surrender (though I’d like to think I didn’t quite realize it). One view would be that the wait was my own fault. Maybe it would have been shorter if I had given it up a lot sooner. Of course, the other view is that AJ is meant to be my son and he wasn’t ready to be referred until that point. So, the wait was the wait. And it felt like forever, but it was really only about 10 months. I survived, and my selective amnesia will probably kick in soon and I’ll want to do it all over again. In the long run, when I have AJ in my arms, I will probably be thankful for it. The wait was part of the journey, and its not like I didn’t know that going into it.
But let me document it now. For the future, and for anyone else in my similar situation. It sucked.