Yesterday, Tenna called Steve (I knew she liked him better than me) and asked how much time we’d be spending with our new baby once we got home. Um… as much as humanly possible? But, Steve and I hadnt really discussed (or rather, had successfully avoided discussing) our post-baby-arrival plans.
We already know I’d prefer to be a Stay at Home Woman. And that was even before the consideration of adding a child to the mix. At this point, I desperately want to stay home with my child. Its all I dream about. But, its not entirely realistic. Adding a family member and cutting out half your family’s income just doesnt match up. So, in some compacity, I’ll have to continue working.
Which brings in the need for child care. I HATE daycare centers. My mom worked in one for several years (and I would go in with her when school wasnt in session) and I really got a behind the scenes look on how they operate. Granted, that was only one place. And it wasnt that the people were evil (though in many cases they are, and how are you to know) its just that its impossible for one human to care for 10 or so kids at one time. Kids are going to get neglected. Not to mention the fact that they’re always sick. And then there’s the money. While I think those workers are still underpaid for the job they’re trying to do, I hate the idea of my entire paycheck paying for someone else to be with my child. I mean, whats the point of working? I consider a traditional day care center to be a very last resort.
So then there’s in home care. A mom, caring for a couple of kids and her own. I’m more okay with this idea. I’d prefer for it to be someone that I know already, cause trusting a stranger with your child is never an easy thing to do. I still dont like the idea of half my paycheck going towards that, though.
(Perhaps if my job was fulfilling in some way. More than a job. But, its not. All it is to me is something that keeps me from doing the things I really want to do because I need money. Stupid money).
When it comes to an adoptive child, bonding and attachment are very important. Its not as easy to do, since chances are likely the child has suffered some sort of trauma. No matter what, the child has been taken from its birth mother. And, then, after it finally learns to trust again (yes, even an infant) it will be taken away from its primary care giver and placed in our arms. Most experts recommend that after that point, the parents should be the only one to provide for the needs of the child (feeding, changing, comforting) until that relationship is solid. And who knows how long that will take.
So, yeah, we’re still deciding how that’ll work out.
Here’s what we do know. Though I’ve always thought TWC to be the better one when it comes to benefits, turns out Duke offers a greater parental leave. I’ll get 3 weeks, 100% pay off. (Interestingly enough, thats only available after you’ve taken 3 weeks using your own banked time. But I should be fine there, I’ve got an obscene amount of vacation/sick time). And past those 6 weeks, I can take an additional six weeks off unpaid (without them giving my job to someone else (not that they could actually find someone else willing to do all that I do, but yeah). Steve, on the other hand, gets zero paid leave. Sure he can use up his vacation time and stuff, but other than that, nada. Its a shame, though. I was really looking forward to our new little family spending some quality time together and sharing the responsibilities. But at least we’ll still have free cable.