Seriously, it was my idea first. I caught a glimpse of some entertainment news and it looks like Jessica Simpson is looking into adoption.
I am not adopting because its In. It was my idea long before… before Jessica Simpson, before Meg Ryan, before Angelina Jolie. I’m not doing this because its popular.

Meanwhile, I’m not doing much at all. I have a huge stack of paperwork to complete, the ball is entirely in my court, and I just sort of look at it everyday and think “I should get a move on that.” The worst part, is that I dont even have the excuse of not having the money to send with it. God has provided amazingly. Out of nowhere. Just as I knew He would.
So whats my problem? Is it just normal procrastination or is it deeper?
Who knows.

Part of our Homestudy History is a full medical exam work-up deal. So, I made our appointments and we’ll be examined by Dr. T next week. No big deal, right? Except for the part that I hate. The part with the needles. Our exams require a TB test and a cholesterol screening. I’ve never had either of those. Mostly because I hate hate HATE needles. Hate. I can barely talk myself into a finger prick once a year. And lets not even discuss how long it takes to get me to be okay with a novicane shot.
What I need to keep in mind is how many more needles I would have to endure if I were pregnant. My preggo friends have been giving enough viles of blood to feed a vampire colony. And come birthing time, they’ll be stuck in a hospital bed with an IV in their hand and an epidural in their back. So, it could be worse, right?
But thats not very comforting. I’m still scared of needles.

I knew at some point it would become real to me. Until yesterday, I hadnt really been worried about the vast amount of money we’d have to pull out of literally nowhere, to adopt a child. I have moments where I think I must be insane for going through with this when I could birth my own baby for nothing. But I also have moments when I know this is true and right and what I’m supposed to be doing. So, if I can just stop thinking “How am I going to come up with $30,000??” and start thinking “Wont it be awesome to watch God provide $30,000?” I should be okay.
So, we got our packet for the Homestudy History. This includes having to answer a lot of questions, and writing up an incredibly extensive autobiography. This is also the time when we get our medical exams. And we have to fill out a sheet detailing our budget, currently and how we’ll adjust for baby. Its a lot of paperwork. But I like paperwork. Well, that might change.
We also have to fill out an application to FCA, the agency that CAS works with. I wasnt aware of this part, and hadnt realized that we have to pay them big money too. Thats what started my freak out yesterday. But I went back to read over my original documents from CAS and it does mention them. It lumps their money into the Agency fees… but the total turns out to be the same. So, its all good.
For the majority of today, I will be hunting down grants and stuff and begin filling those out. Good times.