This post goes out to all the dads and future dads I know (which, if you’ve been keeping track, is quite a few).
First of all, I have to admit I was a little surprised by the effort, care and thought Steve has put into being a new dad. With the help of the Daddy Bootcamp class he attended last month, he is well aware (and accepting) of his role as a new father. Some other dads I know are pretty clueless. In fact, my friend Emily’s husband said to Steve “The baby is entirely dependent on Emily for the first six months anyway, so there’s not much for me to do.” Steve, being the valiant future dad that he is, quickly corrected silly future dad and made sure he knew his job was to care for Emily, because, well, the baby is ENTIRELY DEPENDENT ON HER.
And this is what we new moms expect, isnt it? Granted, my situation will be slightly different. But all my pregnant moms are spending nine months caring the burden mostly alone, only to realize that it doesnt end when Baby leaves the womb. We all know its important for mom and baby to bond and, in most cases, mom is still providing nutrition for the baby (which will feel like much too often). So, moms expect dads to pick up the slack. Whether it be bringing them the baby when it cries, cleaning, cooking, shopping or shoulder rubs. Thats what we want.
It seems like some dads are willing to step up to the plate. They desire to be good fathers. And thats great.
I read an article in a magazine I borrowed stole from Emily’s house while I was briefly there last weekend. It was written by a dad. He was lamenting about being shunned from baby showers. He says “The baby shower is the kick off to the parenting game. Not inviting fathers sends a distinct message to dads: The parenting details are for the moms. Dads, dont you worry your pretty little heads about diapers, baby clothes, pacifiers, and complicated things like mobiles and teething rings.”
And isnt that the exact opposite of what we want? We (as women) want the new dads to be involved. To care about the little things. To know where the bottles are stored and which pacifier baby prefers at bedtime. We want them to change diapers and pack diaper bags. And yet we dont even encourage them a little as they get ready for this crazy life changing event. The moms get the parties and the gifts and the advice.
Granted, co-ed showers have become somewhat more normal. But, still, the majority of showers I will attend are just for the mom. I think it would be great if someone threw Steve an all guys baby shower. With beer and cigars and all things manly. Gifts that he’ll need and use. Advice from other dads. It’d be great for him to be celebrated and encouraged.
I just think its unfair for guys to continue to get shunned. Sure, most guys could probably care less. But we want them to care. And I think a baby shower might do the trick.