Yes its the last day of February. No I havent heard anything. For all of you that picked dates in February, you lose. Currently, Christin is the only one still in the running hoping for the week of March 12. I’d still prefer today.
But lets not talk about that. Something else.
Part of the adoption process is being approved by the United States government as parents. It was pretty empowering to receive a letter in the mail stating that we are approved to parent a child. And my first thought was “Every parent should need approval! Adopting or not.” But then I started thinking about how impossible that would be. And how I wouldnt want the government that involved in every person’s life. I mean, would they monitor every pregnancy? Would birthparents not have rights to their child until they were approved? Yeah, it got complicated fast, and I stopped thinking about it.
But recently, I’ve  been reading a lot of articles about a lot of crazy parents that, had we had such a thing, would hopefully not have been deemed able to parent.
Take the woman that recently traded her infant son for a car and some cash. I’m serious. Or the mom that had her two children fake retardation to get social security checks. No joke.
While I still think the whole parenting approval by the government thing to be a bit crazy, there has got to be some way to stop these morons from procreating….

Dearest Baby of Mine,

Today is my birthday, and I want nothing more than to see your face. Which is saying a lot. Cause normally I just want presents and cake. But today, I would trade all of those things, every bit of cake in the world, and every present I’ve ever gotten ever, just to know a little something about you. Like, when is your birthday? And what was that day like for you? What was I doing, not knowing you were being born halfway across the world? What is your name and who named you? Do you smile easily or are you scared right now? Have you discovered your hands yet? Do you like to take baths? Whats your favorite song or rhyme? Do you enjoy being read to yet? Do you like to take walks outside? Cause I would even walk outside for you if you enjoyed it. I just want to know you, my sweet child. I want to celebrate your day. I want to call you by name. I want to make you smile. I want to hear you clap. I want to splash in the tub with you. I want to sing to you and hear you coo in return. I want to cuddle with you and read you stories. I want to stroll outside with you, enjoying you so much that I forget about the grass and the bugs.
I know I have to be patient, it will be awhile before I can do all those things with you. Today, I just want to see your face and learn a little bit about you. That would be the best gift in the whole wide world.
But if it doesnt happen today, that would be okay too. Because I know that today, God is preparing me, and preparing you, for that special day. And it doesnt matter if it happens on the 22nd, or the 26th, or the 18th. But soon would be nice.
Darling baby, I love you so much. I dont even know what you look like and I love you more than anything. And its amazing to me that love can grow more than this. I cant wait, I’m so excited to love you more!
With all my heart,
Mom (Awmahnee)

Though I remain anxious, the past couple of days have been a little bit easier, as I’ve tried to focus on the bigger picture. Its been so easy to get caught up in me and my needs and why cant I get what I want right now. But the story of this adoption is so much bigger than just me wanting a baby. There are lots of people involved. There’s a birthmom, and a foster family, and most importantly, a child. And if I want this whole story to glorify God, then it would only make sense to trust that He’ll work it all out in the best way for everyone.
It makes it a little bit easier to get through another day without The Call, knowing that even though I have no control over the situation, someone who loves me does. And not only does He love me, but He loves my baby, and the people caring for my baby right now, and the woman who gave up her baby. Thank you, God.

Just so we’re clear, the phrase “No news is good news” does not apply here. That is all.

This isnt a big deal, but I figured I’d document it anyway. Not like I have anything exciting to talk about.
I got an email today from our case worker at CAS, Jessica. She is leaving CAS and will no longer be managing our case. Our new case worker is named Chris.  Apparently she has lots of experience with other countries, but this is her first time working with Korea.
Its kind of weird to think I’ll be getting the call from a woman I have zero relationship with. Though I’ve never had the opportunity to meet Jessica, we did speak on the phone regularly. I’ve been preparing myself to hear her cheerful voice on the other line telling me about my baby.
Just another instance of where my vision of how it will go down has been changed on me.